Caregiving: Don't Parent Your Aging Parent

When your aging mother loses independence to the point that she needs assistance, it can be very frustrating for her. Many elderly care experts refer to this time as the beginnings of a role reversal between a parent and child.

But perhaps that’s putting it too simply. Maybe even suggesting the idea that “reversing roles” is ever wanted–or even possible–is a little short-sighted.

In an article for Forbes, Howard Gleckman explains how this idea of role reversal is more complicated than most experts claim.

“Put yourself in the position of an aging parent. As you become physically frail and cognitively limited, you lose control of your life. All those day-to-day decisions that healthy people take for granted when to go to the movies, when to eat, when to walk across the room and even when to go to the bathroom–are increasingly shared with others,” Gleckman writes. “It can be embarrassing and demeaning.”

Here are a few other good points from Gleckman’s article:

  • Long-distance family caregivers have a tendency to “parachute into town” for a couple of days, where they barrage their parents with demands to go to the doctor, stop driving, etc. This often leads the aging parent to feel resentful, embarrassed, and even angry–not the best environment to make life-changing decisions.
  • As an adult child, never flat-out tell your parent what you think they should do. Instead, start off a conversation by saying something like, “Mom, what do you think we should do…” From here, your parent doesn’t feel attacked. This will allow the two of you to work together.
  • You might have to step in if your aging loved one is emotionally or cognitively incapable of making decisions. Gleckman notes, however, that this scenario occurs much less often than you think.

When an aging loved one starts succumbing to the frailties of old age, it brings about a complex, painful change in the relationship between a parent and child. But no family caregiver should be expected to start acting as his or her parent’s new parent.

Rather, the actual role reversal should involve trying to see things from the perspective of your aging parent while caregiving. By relating to your loved one as you know best–and asking how you can both go about making the best decisions for their care–you can both move forward as a team. In the end, that’s what family is all about.

Physicians’ Choice Private Duty Assisted Living currently serving Omaha, Eastern Nebraska and Western Iowa provides seniors and their families a complete understanding of geriatric care options and helps families maneuver through the challenges of the system. Get your free Cost Comparison guide by clicking here. Or contact us for a free consultation or just to say hello!

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“Physicians’ Choice Private Duty Assisted Living solves the challenges families face in caring for aging parents, with a focus on strategies that keep them in their homes. To learn more about our solutions, visit http://www.private-duty.pchhc.com.”


5 Books to Help Kids Understand Alzheimer's

It’s never easy for a family to cope and take care of an aging loved one with Alzheimer’s.

But Alzheimer’s can be especially confusing to children who can’t understand why Grandma, who still looks normal, is no longer able to instantly recognize familiar people and places.

There are several books that put the disease into terms children can relate to in order to help our little ones get a better grasp of what Alzheimer’s is and how it affects elderly family members.

Below is a list of five of our favorites, compiled from a recent AARP blog post and one of our own.

  • The Memory Box–A grandpa diagnosed with Alzheimer’s creates a “memory box” to keep track of all the times he’s shared with his beloved grandson. By Mary Bahr. Illustrations by David Cunningham.
  • Why Did Grandma Put Her Underwear in the Refrigerator?–After several incidents of strange behavior, a young girl named Julie finally begins to understand her grandmother’s Alzheimer’s disease. By Max Wallack and Carolyn Given.
  • Still My Grandma–This story gently introduces the realities of Alzheimer’s to young readers through the special relationship of a girl and her grandmother. By Veronique Van Den Abeele. Illustrations by Claude K. Dubois.
  • Remember Me?–Told from a child’s perspective, a young girl slowly begins to understand why her grandfather’s memory is so unreliable. By Sue Glass. Translation by Eida de La Vega. Illustrations by W. Yunker.
  • Singing with Momma Lou–A young girl stops dreading visiting her grandmother suffering from Alzheimer’s in a nursing home after she begins to learn about her extraordinary past. By Linda Jacobs Altman. Illustrations by Larry Johnson.

Though it’s never easy to cope with a loved one getting Alzheimer’s, you can make the experience much easier on young children in the family by helping them understand what their aging loved on is going through. And all of these books should help to do just that.

Can you think of any other books you recommend that help children understand Alzheimer’s? Let us know on Twitter or in the comments.

Physicians’ Choice Private Duty Assisted Living currently serving Omaha, Eastern Nebraska and Western Iowa provides seniors and their families a complete understanding of geriatric care options and helps families maneuver through the challenges of the system. Get your free Cost Comparison guide by clicking here. Or contact us for a free consultation or just to say hello!

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“Physicians’ Choice Private Duty Assisted Living solves the challenges families face in caring for aging parents, with a focus on strategies that keep them in their homes. To learn more about our solutions, visit http://www.private-duty.pchhc.com.”


Will There Be a Caregiver Shortage in Decades to Come?

With millions of baby boomers on the verge of their senior years, a new report from the AARP suggests that there will likely be a drastic shortage of caregivers by 2026, when the first boomers become 80. This includes both unpaid family caregivers and paid caregivers, i.e., home care aides and home care professionals.

We mentioned this probable shortage in a previous post, but this new report shows some statistics that should have us all thinking about the future of caregiving.

Here are some key points from the report:

  • In 2010, for every person age 80 or over there were 7.2 people of prime caregiving age (45-64). By 2030, there’s projected to be just 4.1 people of prime caregiving age in ratio to those 80-plus. This ratio drops to 2.9 by 2050.
  • In 2010, more than half of seniors aged 80 and older suffered from a severe disability. Upwards of 30 percent of the elderly needed ADL help, whether that was bathing, using the toilet, cooking, eating, etc. Will this trend continue in decades to come? It’s hard to make an exact prediction, but it’s safe to assume the answer will be a “yes.”
  • In 2010, there were 78 million baby boomers. There were only 11 million people aged 80 and over in 2010. By 2030, the elderly population is projected to reach 20 million and 34 million by 2050.
  • Conversely, there were 82 million people aged 45-64 in 2010. That number is projected to be about the same in 2030 and rise to 99 million in 2050.
  • The number of frail older people, those 65-plus who live with a disability, is projected to grow from 11 million in 2010 to 18 million in 2030.

If there one’s one big takeaway from the report, it’s that many boomers and their children will be unprepared as they reach old age and are in need of long-term care–and that we’re very likely headed for a caregiver shortage some time in the near future.

If you’re over the age of 50, it’s never too early to start planning for end-of-life care. And remember, help and advice is always available from a senior care agency.

Physicians’ Choice Private Duty Assisted Living currently serving Omaha, Eastern Nebraska and Western Iowa provides seniors and their families a complete understanding of geriatric care options and helps families maneuver through the challenges of the system. Get your free Cost Comparison guide by clicking here. Or contact us for a free consultation or just to say hello!

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“Physicians’ Choice Private Duty Assisted Living solves the challenges families face in caring for aging parents, with a focus on strategies that keep them in their homes. To learn more about our solutions, visit http://www.private-duty.pchhc.com.”